Ok, great! Now this Flying Spaghetti Monster, supposed creator of the universe, has kidnapped my dad, God, and is holding him for some blackmail against me. Hey, Spaghetti Monster, I am on welfare and don’t have a can of cream corn to my name. WTF? What do you want from me?

The FSM can be a real ballbag. Sometimes I call him that because his two meatballs look a little like it. So what! That doesn’t mean he can just kidnap God and throw a temper tantrum. Geez! Well, apparently he wants one thousand buttons and a jar of Ragu, the Old World Style with Marinara. I don’t have that kind of scratch, so I am turning to you, my loyal visitors and believers. Please help save God from the Flying Spaghetti Monster by collecting buttons and Ragu. I know that with your holy prayers and shoppers club card, we can make it! Together.

Here is the last picture I have of my dad. I hope he is doing well and that the FSM is treating him nice and not sliming him all up with his noodle arms or feet or whatever those wiggly things are.

I don’t have to tell you that this Spaghetti Guy is going straight to hell when this is all over! Baked Ziti for you, jerk!