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TOTAL SEXUAL ABUSE PAYOUTS FROM THE ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH

Nobody likes kids better than me. Not even that creepy, evil clown Ronald MacDonald. I heard there is cocaine in those extra-big, crimson shoes he wears.

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Sometimes we all make mistakes, but not me. I am the exception even though I am on welfare. I guess if I did have a confession to make, it would be that I don’t drink enough.

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God fucked up again!

Submitted by Jesus Welfare on Friday, 12 December 2008No Comment

Yes, I’m not ashamed to say it, because of all of the good things my dad made like cougars and cookie dough ice cream, but he goofed up big time when it came to sexually transmitted diseases. Why did he make so many ways to get STDs? There should be no ways to get a sexually transmitted disease.

So, thanks alot, Dad! Now I have to put this cream on three times a day. How do you think that makes the Lord look? It’s a poor reflection on you and the Super Ghost. When I get the clap, so do you, so next time you make a universe, make it real hard to get an STD.

I guess if Mary Magdalene wasn’t such a slut, I wouldn’t be in this boat. I really have to learn to keep my vow of chastity more often, but sometimes sin gets stuck in some pretty weird places and I have to do everything I can to rub it out.