When you are on welfare like me, there is one thing standing in the way of your need to covort with hookers and that is cold hard dough, baby! Being the Son of God does have its benefits, but I was quick to learn that they rarely extend 30 yards outside of any holy establishment. I had a burning desire for hookers but no action, since they don’t take food stamps or even food like the hamburger meat I swiped from SuperFresh last week.

The solution was obvious, but hidden among many mysteries and false traps. I turned to the scripture, because it has all of the answers that other people have written about me, and who better knows you than your fans? Forget that Luke and Mark crap, pure drivel. I turned to John. He was a bit of a weenie, but he was always a straight shooter. He had this to say:

John 2:10
and said, “Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now.”

So, instead of starting off with top-shelf package goods, this bastard saved it to the end and used the cheapo stuff for the feast. Same with me. I am on welfare and a little strapped for cash, so I am going to use cheap hookers instead of the 5-star ones who wear makeup and don’t barf afterwards.

But I have a special mission for you, my followers. Give to my cause so that I may attain a higher level of hookerness. For Jesus shalt not wilt under heavy loads, but survive long enough to cast off cheap hookers and nail down some fine ladies! AMEN!

Until then, I must continue to suffer with cheap hookers. Know of my anguish and ye shall be fulfilled.

I am a hooker, and I know your pain with cheapo hookers.