I’m sure everyone has a welfare story to tell. Mine is probably no different than yours, except that you probably don’t have millions of religious nut jobs conducting a non-stop fund raising drive for billions of dollars in in your name that you never even see a penny of! That’s what eats my soul on a Tuesday morning!

I can’t tell you how pissed off and even mad I become when I scrape myself off the sidewalk for a few minutes and stagger down the retail district for one of my walks of faith and see these religious assholes on TV, begging for dollars. Well, it’s not really the begging part that gets me. Those welfare checks don’t cover much and I always have to resort to begging for a little drinking money, so I got no problem there. It’s the fact that I never see one dime of this loot that really has me taking my own dad’s name in vain.

Sure, everyone has to make a living. I make my living off of the street and the complexity of the sewer system, but I think that I deserve a cut of the action. After all, I am Jesus and I am on welfare.