I guess it’s my turn in the confessional booth today. I admit it. I am very jealous of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. He really has an advantage over the rest of us messiahs because he is not only a supreme being [beat my dad in air hockey on a number of occasions], but he is also very delicious.

I wish I was tasty. But I taste like chicken. What good does walking on water do if the kids would rather sit down and have a good bowl of Flying Spaghetti Monster for breakfast?

My dad is not a good cook, as many of you know from his attempt to offer holy hosts as some sort of gourmet meal. Didn’t work out too well. They are stale and bland and stick to the roof of your mouth when you try to chew them down.

Sure, you can dress up the holy hosts with bacon, chives and a jalepeno sauce, but it doesn’t compare to the satisfying and ultimately delicious spaghetti offered by the FSM.

But there are downsides to all of this spaghetti slurping. For one, they are very high in carbs. The body converts carbs like these to fat. So, I guess my dad wasn’t that dumb after all! He did use a backhanded way of revenge against the Flying Spaghetti Monster by including this fat-conversion characteristic in people.

Fat is not the only danger of eating spaghetti offered by the FSM. Spaghetti can kill! Here is the evidence, laid bare for all to see.