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TOTAL SEXUAL ABUSE PAYOUTS FROM THE ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH

Nobody likes kids better than me. Not even that creepy, evil clown Ronald MacDonald. I heard there is cocaine in those extra-big, crimson shoes he wears.

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Sometimes we all make mistakes, but not me. I am the exception even though I am on welfare. I guess if I did have a confession to make, it would be that I don’t drink enough.

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The real face of Jesus

Submitted by Jesus Welfare on Friday, 14 November 2008No Comment

Hey, I’m not a braggert. Sure, I am the Lord and the light, and the saviour of all of the universe, but I am also super humble and cool. But I get ticked off when I read something wholly inaccurate and misleading, like this cover story from Popular Mechanics “Advances in forensic science reveal the most famous face in history” And then they print this picture, saying that I look like this fucking dweeb:

The guy couldn’t get a whore to do a hummer for a hundred sheckles. Christ! The truth is that I, the Lord, am really a ladies man despite my being on welfare. Here is what I really look like, and if you see me hanging around Moe’s, don’t be afraid to buy me a drink and some sour pretzels.