jesuswelfare.com » Why can’t I have this car, Goddammit?

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TOTAL SEXUAL ABUSE PAYOUTS FROM THE ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH

Nobody likes kids better than me. Not even that creepy, evil clown Ronald MacDonald. I heard there is cocaine in those extra-big, crimson shoes he wears.

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Why can’t I have this car, Goddammit?

Submitted by Jesus Welfare on Monday, 1 December 2008No Comment

Hello. As you know I am Jesus and I am on welfare. After adding the Sexual Abuse Payout counter on my website, It struck me that all of those untold billions of dollars could be going to buying me a new car. The Saleen S7 Twin Turbo is the most expensive car on Earth right now, topping almost $700,000. With all of the hush money spent on boyhood crushes, the Lord your God could be driving around in style!

But NO!

I have to take public transportation. That is, after I steal some bus tokens from old ladies, they are the most vulnerable. So thanks a lot, priests! You just cost me my ride!

For that I will ask my Dad to condemn you to hell for all eternity or maybe even double eternity if you keep paying out hush money like this! Christ!